Faithful Friday: The Painful Art of Letting Go [of An Adult With Disabilities]

Faithful Friday: The Painful Art of Letting Go [of An Adult With Disabilities]

by: Debbie Waltz

I know I promised a review of Color My World with Love much sooner than this, but doctor's appointments and surprises have changed my daily routines. While my morning personal assistant has been away on vacation, I have spent a lot of the time editing my book with my mom and getting it ready for a run-through by a professional editor before finally sending it to an agent. It is a challenging process considering most of my earlier content was written when I was in high school, and I didn't have much experience with writing, etc. Those have been updated and added to several times as a result.

The movie "Color my world with love" centers around the tight-knit relationship of mother and daughter, Kendall and Emma (played by Lily D Moore and Erica Durance). Over the past year, Kendall has made several strides in developing her talent as a painter and becoming more independent by learning to cook for herself. But, little does her mother realize there is another reason she likes those cooking classes- her friend Brad (David Desanctis), who also happens to have down syndrome. The couple seems to have quite the connection and are hoping to get Emma's approval to date. However, she has her concerns with the whole idea, feeling that they are moving way too quickly in their relationship; unable to say no to her daughter, she comes up with a compromise- chaperoning on their dates. Things get even more complicated when Emma starts developing feelings for Nic (Brad's uncle, played by Ben Ayres). With Nic's free-spirited ways, Emma begins to relax a little and loosen the reins on her daughter. Emma begins thinking long-term and what she wants for her life - besides being just Kendall's mother; as a result, she begins to help out with Nic's project of creating homes for the intellectually disabled. As Kendall and Brad explore what this means for their relationship, the couple are encouraged to take things slow and figure out what love means to them both.

Unfortunately, Brad has other ideas.

 On bended knee, Brad proposes with a real diamond ring during Nic's parent's anniversary party. (Not the one Nic thought Brad was trying to get for Kendall while playing in an arcade game.) So, while trying to make sense of her relationship with Nic, she is faced with another obstacle- How to slow things down while still keeping Kendall's dreams for love and independence alive?

Kendall and her mom are out shopping one day when they come across a bridal boutique and go in and try on some wedding dresses. It is then that we begin to see societal impressions of the disabled emerge- saying something like, "This dress is expensive and going to take up to 6 months to customize to her 'special' size. However, despite the salesperson's rudeness, Kendall is willing to forgive her, saying that Brad would've hugged her anyway because she was probably treated the same way in high school as they were.

Despite Kendall's growth, Emma remains concerned about how they will maintain a marriage together- knowing how stressed out Kendall can get over the littlest things. Case in point: the couple has their first argument when discussing how soon they should have the wedding. Brad hopes to have it within two months, while Kendall is willing to wait it out. The couple begins arguing, and Kendall walks off. Brad walks off as well, only to realize that he has Kendall's phone. But when he returns to the bus stop, she has disappeared. Brad is devastated- not only feeling guilty for arguing but leaving Kendall by herself at the bus stop.

Emma is devastated, but the police eventually notify them that Kendall is down at the police station. It reiterates her fears that they won't be able to handle things on their own and urges everybody to take a break. Instead of agreeing, Nic encourages Emma to trust them and have faith in their relationship.

I'm not going to spoil the ending for you. I only suggest that you take the time to watch it yourself if you have the Hallmark Movies and Mysteries.

This movie had me reflecting on my relationship with my parents growing up.. From the very beginning, they struggled with how to struggled with how to raise a disabled daughter.My parents believed I would be as independent as I could be; believing in that; they enrolled me in a particular school designed for people with cerebral palsy. Once they saw that I had developed the skills necessary and they had learned all they could from the school themselves, I moved on to a regular schooling program. As I excelled in the mainstream program, they realized my intellect remained unaffected by the CP and began advocating that I be allo. Joan wed in some regular classes.

 Unfortunately, it wasn't smooth sailing after that because I encountered problems getting personal assistance at school, even when my mom had to serve as a personal assistant and notetaker while they were hiring. For a time, that strained our relationship - knowing that we would spend all day together and also see each other at night. It also put a damper on my already complicated social life, knowing that my mother was usually around in most social situations. Still,  she was more than willing to do it to have the support I needed at school.

Even at age 42, my parents still struggle with when to let go. Because of financial constraints and their health, I still live with them in a downstairs apartment designed with me in mind. My parents will always see me as their little girl, but I still want to be independent and thoughtful. As a result, I have almost always hired personal assistance (since college) to help with my care. Mostly, these have been professional nurses trained to assist with my care; some have been students working their way through special education programs. I still request that my parents be a part of the interview process to providing input as to specific questions that need answers, but I am pretty independent otherwise. Thanks to governmental assistance, I pay my rent on time via printed checks through my bank. As many of you may have read, I even had my job once working as a contractor for the State Department, making sure websites were section 508 compliant for federal workers with disabilities. Unfortunately, the department downsized, and my job was cut

My dad still questions my hair color choices, but that's another story..

Wisdom Wednesday: Lost Wisdom

                                            The Lost Wisdom                                           

Guest Contribution submitted by Debbie's Dad

            

Concerning Edom. Thus says the LORD of hosts, "Is there no longer any wisdom in Teman? Has good counsel been lost to the prudent? Has their wisdom decayed?

-Jeremiah 49:7

Today's verse is Jeremiah's introduction to a prophecy about the destruction of the people of Edom, a country to the south and east of the Dead Sea. The ancient city of Petra, Jordan is a tourist site today with amazing buildings carved out of the sone mountainsides – this was Edom. It claimed to have wise men that created the cities, and impregnable stone dwellings provided security. The Edomites (descendants of Esau) were continually in conflict with Judah, and Jeremiah asked how their wisdom was lost and decayed. Obadiah similarly prophesied that the wise men of Edom would be destroyed (Obadiah 8). Why would this be? Because these people, though knowledgeable in stonework, industry, and strategy, lacked the spiritual wisdom to trust in their Creator.

In the 1930s, another poet, T.S. Eliot, looked at British society and wrote of the paucity of wisdom in the secular culture and its attitude toward Christianity. He wrote of the frantic search of the people and the failure to find true wisdom and meaning: 

The endless cycle of idea and action,

Endless invention, endless experiment,

Brings knowledge of motion, but not of stillness;

Knowledge of speech, but not of silence;

Knowledge of words and ignorance of the Word.

All our knowledge brings us nearer to our ignorance,

All our ignorance brings us nearer to death,

But nearness to death no nearer to God.

Where is the Life we have lost in living?

Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?

Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

The cycles of Heaven in twenty centuries

Bring us farther from God and nearer to the Dust.

[Excerpt from Part 1, Choruses from "The Rock" by T. S. Eliot; 1934]

Even as the Edomites were centuries earlier, Eliot observed the society failed to find the "wisdom …lost in knowledge". Of course, this was because in their frenzied search, they only moved "farther from God and nearer to the Dust."

The book of Proverbs describes the path of those who cannot find true wisdom (Proverbs 1:29-31) because they did not choose the fear of the Lord (the beginning of wisdom):

•        They would not accept my counsel,
•        They spurned all my reproof.
•       So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way
•        And be satiated with their own devices."

This was the path of the Edomites – they gained knowledge, built a society, smelted copper, and carved beautiful buildings that remain today for tourists to marvel at. But they were conquered by the Babylonians in the sixth century, subsumed by the Romans in the second century, and were called "Idumeans." Herod the Great was an Idumean, the king of Judea at the time of Jesus' birth, and the fool that sought to kill the infant Son of God and slaughtered the innocent male children in the vicinity of Bethlehem (Matthew 2). Herod was a child of the Edomites, and he "ate the fruit of his own way and lived by his own devices."

Pray that our society will not have "Knowledge of words, and ignorance of the Word" as Eliot would say; rather, we should pray that we will …Know that wisdom is thus for your soul; If you find it, then there will be a future, And your hope will not be cut off. (Proverbs 24:14). We do not want the Lord to look at us and ask, "Is there no longer any wisdom?"

 

 

 

 

Wisdom Wednesday: Genuine wisdom

                                                          Genuine Wisdom                                           

                                                            By: Debbie's dad

            

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.

- James 3:17

 

We live in a media-savvy world. The emphasis in this culture is to control the image that others see of our lives- to control what others perceive about us. Influencers employ public and social media mechanisms to create a narrative about them, framing any information to emphasize positive characteristics, organizing pictures to create amazing optics, and spinning any information about them to conform to their narrative. Because so many of us are online in one form or another, it is tempting to use these mechanisms to project ourselves in a way that may not be completely genuine.

In today's passage, James emphasizes that Godly wisdom is "without hypocrisy," meaning sincere and genuine. The original language also can be translated as "unfeigned" or "undisguised." A wise life and its statements, decisions, and actions are genuine. There are no creative narratives, framing, spinning, and embellished optics – just genuine and transparent truth. This necessity is consistent throughout Scripture in well-known passages:

• The prophet Jeremiah denounced the sins of Judah, including the hypocrisy of their false worship. But God saw their hypocrisy and asked: "Has this house, which is called by My name, become a den of robbers in your sight? Behold, I, even I, have seen it," declares the LORD."        -Jeremiah 7:11.
•   Jesus warned of hypocrisy that deceives those who act spiritually and hide their sin – projecting a narrative and image of godliness while living a sinful life. (Luke 12).
•  Jesus told the woman at the well in Samaria that true worship is genuine – "in spirit and in truth." God knows what authentic worship is. (John 4:23)
•  Jesus also emphasized absolute truth (this is what is genuine). He claimed to be "the truth" – what the philosophers call "ultimate reality." (John 14:6)  And when Jesus stood before Pilate, He told Pilate that those who are genuine believers (those who "belong to or are of the truth")  recognized the truth and acknowledged Him. Pilate stood before the Creator, the true ultimate reality, yet he yielded to the hypocrites. (John 18:37-38).
•     Paul urged Timothy that his Gospel mission must be from a genuine heart. "But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." (I Timothy 1:5) The sincere (genuine) faith that Paul counseled was based on a pure heart and clean conscience.
•     Paul further commended Timothy for his sincere faith, which reflected the sincerity of his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5).

·        The sincerity of our faith is located in our "inner man," as Paul taught ( 2 Corinthians 4:16; Ephesians 3:16 ), and this is what God looks at: "… For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart" ( 1 Samuel 16:7 ).

Let our lives reflect the wisdom that is from above, living in the authenticity of sincere love, genuine behavior that is unfeigned, and transparent – trusting in the Lord.

 

 

 

Music Monday: "See Me Through It " by Brandon Heath

 Music Monday: "See Me Through It " by Brandon Heath

         Welcome Back, Everyone~

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Memorial day! Mine certainly was with a visit from one of my college friends and their family from Pennsylvania. They just happened to be visiting the Shenandoah Valley and wondered if they would be able to stop in on their way back to say hello. It was completely unexpected and was a wonderful start to a busy week

         I wish I could tell you that the rest of my week went just as well- but it didn't. I struggled in my efforts to write something with the music choice (above) in mind. I felt as if I had nothing new left to say. But then I am reminded that God gave me the talent of writing for a purpose, so I might as well use it.

         With news of the recent shootings and all the negativity in the media, it's no wonder we find ourselves shaking our heads and struggling to make sense of the tragedies that take place. (At least I do.) These events should serve as sobering reminders to not take life for granted. As Christians, it speaks to our mission -sharing God's love with others and the human body's frailty. That's why I felt it was more important than ever that I examine the characteristic of perseverance.

Webster-Merriam defines perseverance as "[the] continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failures or opposition." The entry continues by explaining that the trait of persevering requires steadfastness to the task. According to the Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible, Old Testament Israel had to wait years for the fulfillment of promises which many believers never lived to see. However, the promise to Abraham sustained hope for the journey, when waning of the initial zeal prevented many from entering the promised land was never forgotten.”

In much the same way, we must wait on the Lord even in difficult times. We must remember our true purpose and potential to make an eternal impact on those around us. Brandon Heath's song reminds us that we are not alone no matter what we are going through, and God will "see us through."

 Many Christians believe that this means God will immediately eliminate the obstacles in our lives. In some cases, he does; in others, he doesn't. In James, the author writes about how trials are an essential ingredient to producing perseverance. It begins by urging Christians to "consider it to pure joy" when encountering trials because, in the end, they know what it has the potential to produce. He finishes his train of thought by urging them to let it do its job, as James writes in verse 4, "Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything….”

 

 

To listen to Brandon Heath's song, it can be accessed here:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8anLMKB9N8

Wisdom Wednesday: The Wisdom of Compassionate Creativity

                    The Wisdom of Compassionate Creativity                       

                                                Submitted by Debbie’s Dad

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion (Psalm 116:5)

 

In 2008 our family moved from Ann Arbor, Michigan, to Chantilly, Virginia . She continued to work on her blog, writing devotionals and working on a book manuscript. She prepared a new resume, and we began searching for openings and applied for job after job, with no results. Debbie had transitioned to the Virginia medical program and started having visits from new nurses that would periodically check up on her. Finally, one day in the summer of 2013, a new nurse visited Debbie and talked to her about her health and what she was doing with her daily writing. She was very impressed and told Debbie, “You should certainly be able to get a job.” Debbie explained that we had been praying and seeking a possible job because now we were in the Washington DC area, which might increase her possibilities. The nurse said, “I am going to see what I can do.” That was an answer to prayer!

    Within a few days, Debbie was contacted by a contractor for the State Department and invited to submit a job application. We did not realize that the nurse’s husband was an official who managed the disability office at the State Department. Debbie applied, and on July 8, 2013, she was employed as a Communication Specialist; she had a fantastic job working from her apartment writing materials to train people on how to comply with Section 508 of the law that requires federal government websites to provide access to disabled people. It was a dream come true for Debbie; it gave her a sense of purpose, the sense that others on the team depended on her, a daily routine, and a sense of accomplishment. She was even to State Department meetings in DC and welcomed as an offsite team member. What a contribution to Debbie’s self-esteem. And, like all employees, she looked forward to Friday evening and the weekend!  

    Her work lasted for two years until June 2015; the State Department manager moved to a position out of the country, and the new manager reduced the staff. Debbie’s employment was over; it was heart rendering. It was an incredible two years, and I often thought about those years of work. It was all because of that wonderful young man and his wife, who had the unique combination of compassion to see Debbie in need and the creativity to find a place for her. I believe that all employers who employ disabled people must have this unique combination - compassionate creativity. It requires compassion to see the potential in the disabled person and the innovation to find a way for them to contribute. I will always be grateful to that wonderful couple for giving Debbie two years of employment.

Shareable Attributes of God

Theologians distinguish the attributes of God that are shareable with humans. Of course, the most obvious ones, like omnipotence, omnipresence, etc., are unique to God and not shareable. But many attributes God will freely share with those who ask. For example, we know we are invited to pray for wisdom to make wise decisions that glorify God (James 1:5). Compassion and creativity are two of those shareable attributes God will provide to us to glorify His name as we help others.

Compassion

God is described as the God of compassion and comfort in both the Old Testament (But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15) and in the New Testament (Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. II Corinthians 1:3–4.) Throughout the Psalms, compassion is attributed to God (See 51:1, 86:15, 103:13, 116:5, 145:8-9). And His followers we are encouraged to take on this attribute of their heavenly Father: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” ( Colossians 3:12.)

Creativity

God gave a man named Bezalel the “skill, with intelligence, with knowledge, and with all craftsmanship” to create the elements of the tabernacle, working in precious metals, stone, wood, and weaving materials. (Exodus 35:30-33) He also taught others these capabilities (verses 34-35). This creativity was in creating physical things, but God also gave creativity in reasoning and discerning. We see this in King Solomon, who asked God for wisdom (rather than wealth), and God responded, “Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you.” (I Kings 3:2). Here, wisdom and discernment are given, and these are key elements to a creative mind – the ability to discern patterns, make relations, see analogies, and generate new ideas.  

Compassionate Creativity

When applied together, these attributes will bless others and accomplish the kinds of good works that help others see the character of God – compassion to see the situation of others and the creativity to take action so we can reach out in love. May we all pray for these attributes that God will freely share.