Happy Father's Day, dad!

Dear readers,

With Father’s Day coming up, I thought I’d do something a little different on this “Faithful Friday.” For those of you who have been readers of my blog for a long time, you know I am extremely proud of my family. Because of them, I am who I am today; they each help me grow in unique and different ways. You may have guessed that I’ve gotten the knack for writing from my dad, and you’d be right. As a matter of fact, he’s the one that initially brought up the idea for writing this blog; I wasn’t so sure I’d have anything worthwhile to say.. And look at me now over 600 posts later and 51 visible readers (that I know about!)

 

Anyway, I decided to look back at the archived blogs and give one a fresh new take. This one looks at my disability from a father’s perspective. In it, he shares the different perspectives he has on my life and what God has taught him through them. They are as follows:

 

1.   Looking at The Past: Gratefulness

2.   His Perspective Today: Inspiration

3.   Looking at The Future: Faith

 

Without further ado, here’s his guest post:

 

Debbie has asked me to write an article for her blog, and I chose to write about my perspective of her life as my daughter, a wonderful and disabled young woman. I must first admit that I am understandably proud of her accomplishments, including her faithful publication of the blog “Rollin into the Future”. Let’s consider the three perspectives that I have of Debbie’s life.

 

Looking At the Past: Gratefulness

Debbie was born prematurely and was in the hospital for many weeks before she could come home, and then her development was very slow for the first year. At about one year, the doctor informed us that he could confidently diagnose her with cerebral palsy. Debbie’s mom and I were shaken – because we both knew people with CP. Soon we got her into therapy and then into a United Cerebral Palsy school (at age 2) and prayed for the Lord to help her achieve her best. We had no idea what capabilities she would develop, but soon it became evident that she was quadriplegic; she had limited use of her left hand and virtually no use of her legs. She progressed well, and the Lord gave her a good mind and heart – and she loved school. By ninth grade, she began using speech recognition software (she is an early pioneer of the use of this technology) and graduated from high school in the National Honor Society. She proceeded to Community College and earned her Associates degree in 4 years, and then went to Concordia University (and lived in the dorm!) and within 3 more years, earned her Bachelor degree. As I look back on the first 10 years of her life, I never would have imagined she would come so far! Her mom and I are truly grateful!

 

My Perspective Today: Inspiration

 Today, I am blessed to have a daughter that is a wonderful young woman who is an accomplished college graduate, a writer, and the most enduring person that I know. I am very proud of her – but I would rather call my pride “inspiration.” because she encourages me. I see her deal with personal adversity and frustration every single day – and confront it with patience, grace, and faith. Most people do not have any idea about the challenges of daily life faced by the disabled – I get to see it up close. Debbie’s posts to her blog are major efforts even with her voice recognition software –a simple “copy and paste” is a major effort. And yet she plugs on without complaint – and with a glow of purpose in her smile. She believes that she is encouraging someone out there as she adds word upon word, paragraph on paragraph, and blog post upon blog posting. And I believe she is encouraging people out there – even as she encourages me right here. Debbie is my daughter, my friend, and often my date as we go to the movies and out to eat together. What a blessing to have such a sharp young woman to talk with, to discuss issues of faith, and to laugh with while watching “Judge Judy.”

 

Looking to the Future: Faith

 It is not a secret. The greatest concern of any parent of a disabled child is the apprehension about care for their child when the parent dies. This is my greatest concern; it is a test of my faith in the Lord. I can try to set aside a trust fund, try to help her find faithful friends she will have through life, and help her find a place, a career, and goals for life, but I know that there will come a time when I will not be there for her. And so I trust the Lord, who has cared for us so far, and I make reasonable plans for her. We all look toward the future in faith, but I guess I do in a special way. So, how do I sum up my perspective of life as the father of a disabled young woman? I live with fond memories in gratefulness, inspired as I see her live with difficulty and grace, and I live in faith as I trust the Lord for her future.

The Angels of Concordia -Guest Post by Debbie's Dad

The Angels of Concordia

Guest Thoughts by Debbie’s Dad

The Bible clearly speaks of angels, the created beings that carry out missions for the LORD on earth. Few have seen angels, but many are recorded in Scripture. In both the Hebrew and Greek, the words that we translate as angels have the meaning messenger - a messenger from God.

Angels In the Old Testament

In Genesis 18 Abraham conversed with men (angels) that accompanied the LORD. At the peak of Israel’s’ kingdom, the Psalms recorded the practical theology of trusting the Lord and described the angel of the LORD as a protector (34:7). Other Psalms described how angels are given charge to watch over us (91:11) even as they praise the Lord (103:20). 

As the nation of Israel divided and finally fell, the prophets provided more insight into the work of angels. The prophets saw angels as “Seraphim” (Isaiah 6:2) and “cherubim” (Ezekiel 10:1-3). Daniel, while in captivity in Babylon, actually named two angels who came to help him: Gabriel and Michael (9:20-27 and 10:13, respectively).   Similarly, a man, identified as an angel came to help Zechariah understand the visions he was seeing (cf. Zech. 1: 7-9).

The Angels and the Messiah

After a long period of silence from God, the people returned to a devastated and conquered the land. The most well-known messenger is the angel Gabriel who informed Mary that she would give birth to Israel’s Messiah – “the king of Jacob’s people forever” (Luke 1: 26-38).  It was an angel that announced Jesus’ birth to the shepherds outside of Bethlehem (Luke 2:8-15), then angels warned Joseph to flee to Egypt and then to return when Herod had died and the danger had passed (Matt. 2:13-15 and 19-21). Angels ministered to Jesus at the beginning of His ministry (Mark 1:13) and rolled away the stone after his resurrection, remaining at the tomb to greet His followers (Matt. 28:1-2 and John 20:12). Jesus acknowledged the role of angels (e.g. Matt 22:30; 13:39; 25:31) as serving Him. Angles similarly ministered to the apostles in their ministry opening prison doors (Acts 5 and 12), providing ministry guidance (Acts 8:26 and 10:1-7) and encouragement in perilous times (Acts 27:23-25).

In all of these cases, the angels appeared as people, sent from God to give messages: to warn,  to explain, to encourage, and to protect.

My Angelic Encounter

Back in the period 2003-2006 when Debbie attended Concordia University in Ann Arbor, I actually saw some angels at work: warning, explaining, encouraging and protecting!

Before you declare me a heretic, let me explain. Debbie was accepted to Concordia in the fall semester of 2003 after 2 years of hard work at Washtenaw Community College. She was able to transfer 51 credits and began as a sophomore. On paper, all was well academically. But physically, it seemed a mission impossible for her to live on campus and succeed as a student. Being quadriplegic, she needed caregivers to get here up in the morning and then put her to bed at night; that could work. But how could she make it through the day? – For three years!  The Concordia staff was terrific, charting her path to classes and then walking with my wife and me across every path on campus to make sure they could be traversed by a wheelchair. Every ramp and every door threshold was checked.  Out toilet seat was tested on the David Dorm toilet.

But the daytime routine was the killer- ominous, overwhelming effectively impossible.  How could Debbie …

• There Be fed at breakfast, lunch, and dinner??
• Handle loading and unloading her backpack/travel to and from classes throughout the day?
• Open and close the pages of her books/take notes in classes to help her keep up?
• Study at night, turn pages in books/ practice foreign language, look at note card, etc.?

Indeed it was not possible ... but when my wife, Debbie and I explored the David Dorm where she might live, angels appeared.  Appearing as friendly college girls, they came alongside and asked us what we were doing. We explained and like angels do, they warned us of things we had not thought about, explained how others could help Debbie through the day, and encouraged us that it would work.  And soon, they assembled an entire army of the most wonderful young women we could imagine. The army grew and grew and they spent the next 3 years encouraging and protecting Debbie – enabling her to complete her degree. 

A few of "Angels" of Concordia with Debbie in 2006

Being and Angel to Others

Sure I know these young women were not the heavenly being like the patriarchs, prophets, and apostles saw, but they sure behaved as if they were sent by the LORD. They played the role of angels, providing us the message that what seemed impossible, was made possible by their sacrifice of time and energy to be Debbie’s hands and feet.  To me, they will always be angelic. And they set a wonderful example for me to follow. They glorified God by their Christ-like lives …

Encourage the people who are afraid. Help those who are weak. Be patient with every person. 1 Thessalonians 5:14b (ICB)

Debbie earned her BA degree in January 2007, enabled by that platoon of wonderful young women in David Dorm and across campus. Many of them still keep in touch with Debbie online, pray for her and, as angels always do, encourage her from afar.   May the Lord send to each of us someone to whom we may serve as an angel, just like that.

Born This Way: Season Finale September 5 | A&E

Dear readers,

On the season finale of Born This Way, the gang celebrated the long-awaited wedding Angel and Christina. Over the last few seasons, I have seen so much growth in her as an individual as well as a couple. They each have taken classes in order to learn the necessary skills of housekeeping and cooking. Their story gives me more hope for my future in terms of my love life -although it is squarely in God's timing and hands. If it can happen for her, it can happen to me too!

But Christina is not the only one becoming more independent, they all are in different ways. For example, Rachel and Megan moved in together briefly, Jon is persistent about learning to drive a car and so much more.

One reason I think everyone enjoys this show is that it is relatable not only to the general audience but to those with disabilities as well. I can relate to this show because I understand how hard it is to keep your independence; yet, it shows the internal struggle between mother and daughter of letting your child go and leaving the nest. I've seen the struggles between Meg and her mother and understood them so well.

In looking at YouTube, I realize I am not the only one who was disappointed with how the season played out over four weeks. I mean eight episodes- two episodes per week .. You have got to be kidding me... Being disabled, I for one know there has got to be a lot of new material they didn't use for the show. But that's my rant. Hopefully, that leaves more material for next season! Fingers crossed. Anyway, at least they have a new one-hour special coming up highlighting what it's like to be deaf. It's entitled deaf out loud and airs next Wednesday at 8 PM. If you missed this season finale, it still can be found on A&E on-demand or on fire TV

Good luck Angel and Christina! I am rooting for you and can't wait to see what happens in future episodes

Encouragement:38 years in Bethesda

Thirty-Eight Years at Bethesda

Guest Thoughts by Debbie’s Dad

One of several interesting accounts about disabled people meeting Jesus occurs in John’s Gospel during Jesus’ second visit to Jerusalem. The account describes His encounter with a disabled man at the pool called Bethesda. It was common in those days to have pools for healing and purification. At this pool there was apparently a tradition that when the waters in the pool moved, there was a race to get in the pool – the first was healed. (This healing competition is certainly not consistent with a Hebrew or Christian view of compassion for the disabled - a race, a race of the disabled for healing? Pretty ironic, right? The ancient world had many deities and must have also had many such traditions!) Of course, the pool area was filled with “a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed” waiting for this event (John 5:3).  John describes the encounter like this:

⁵ Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. ⁶ When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, "Do you want to be made well?" ⁷ The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me." (John 5: 5-7 NKJV)

As the father of a disabled daughter, this brief account raises several questions in my mind:

What kind of infirmity did he have?  John notes that at the Bethesda pools there were “a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed”.  The original words used to represent lame and paralyzed refer to those who are physically weakened, limping, and whose body is withered. The man that Jesus met is described by a different word that more generally refers to his weakness or infirmity that he had for 38 years – likely run the business and would like to talk his whole life.  Because of this, it is reasonable to think that this man might have had cerebral palsy and, like Debbie, suffered brain damage at birth that impaired his muscle tone and motor activity. And like Debbie, he may have been quadriplegic, because he was “lying there” and unable to get into the pool.  In any event, someone caring person brought him to the pool of Bethesda that day, where he was reclining. 

Who cared for him? At the time of Christ, it is believed that a normal lifespan was about half of today’s 80 years. If this is so, the man’s parents would have likely died over a decade or two before this point.  Relatives – siblings, nephews, cousins, or neighbors were probably caring for him and in those days this was not easy. We also know that Jesus encountered another man who was cared for by some men who lowered him through a roof to be able to meet Jesus. (Luke 5:17-20) In that case, Luke specifically used a word that is often translated as or “sick with palsy” a condition of weakness with inability to control aspects of your body; that man could also have his friend is a missing had cerebral palsy.  In that time, caregivers had a difficult time - and Jesus specifically commended those who cared for the weak (the same word used for the man at Bethesda) as if they care for Him! (Matt. 25:36)

Why Did Jesus ask him if he wanted to get well? Jesus “knew that he had been there a long time” and yet asked the man if he wanted to be whole. A good friend of Debbie’s once told me she asked Debbie the same question – and Debbie hesitated. She has been quadriplegic her whole life and this is how she perceives herself; she could not imagine being whole. I believe it was an act of kindness that Jesus asked what might seem like an obvious question. Did the man want this radical change after 38 years? I believe you know the rest of the account; Jesus instructed the man to get up, pick up his mat and walk. And he did, in an illustration of Jesus’ power over nature, clear evidence of his claim to be the anticipated king of the Jews, and an example of grace to a man who had given no indication of any faith in Jesus (See John 5:11-13).

Why 38 Years of waiting?  The man indicated that he never made it into the pool because he had no one to put him in the pool. He had effectively been waiting a long time to be made whole! It is a long time. I know. The reason this passage has particular meaning to me because this year is because Debbie has now been a quadriplegic for 38 years, too. And she is trusting in the very same Lord Jesus that met the man at Bethesda. Near the end of His ministry and prior to his crucifixion, Jesus simply said, "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me …”(John 14:1)  I am proud of my daughter who heart is not troubled – because she believes in Him.

Debbie’s Take: First off, let me say I never really realized this miracle happened to someone my age or disability. In reading my dad’s description, I have gotten a new understanding of the miracle of the 38-year-old man. To be honest, I don’t remember when my good friend asked me if I ever wanted healing or what my first reaction was. I can only surmise that I was taking a back because I’ve never really thought of it. That isn’t to say that I don’t believe God can do it these days. I KNOW HE CAN. Miracles happen every day. We just need to be open enough to see them.

Growing up, strangers have tried their best to “heal” me of my CP. I don’t doubt their sincerity in trying to pray for me and help me. However, coming away from those experiences I couldn’t but be disappointed and upset. After all, some people tend to equate faith with one’s ability to be healed. Did I not measure up?? Was there something wrong with me??  Coming away from those experiences, I was often disappointed or upset. After 38 years, I have come to a different conclusion- that I'm disabled like this for a reason. I would like to believe dad’s reason for Jesus asking the man with the disability whether he’d like to be healed is correct. Jesus not only wants to make sure the man believes, but Jesus realizes he’s spent 38 years and has become comfortable with his situation.

As dad mentioned earlier, a friend told him I once hesitated on the topic of being healed. As I have explained above, this question has often brought feelings of doubt and not measuring up to the surface. But even more than that, I don’t know who I’d be if I weren’t in this wheelchair. One characteristic can change your whole perspective or outlook on life and I don’t really know myself any other way.

Encouragement:Purple Shoes and Pink Shoelaces

Dear Readers,

Many of you may recognize my next guest contributor -my father- as he has written for me here before. He has a very unique perspective being the parent of a disabled person. I would ask that you pay careful attention to his story; it not only applies to  coping with news of a unexpected disability, but how  powerful words can be! 

Without further ado...

Purple Shoes and Pink Shoelaces

 “I’d get purple shoes with pink shoelaces,” the doctor said with a dry tone of indifference. He continued, “Your daughter won’t walk anyhow”.    My wife was shaken. 

We had just moved to Baltimore in 1982 from Ann Arbor, Michigan and immediately began locating new doctors to care for our 2-year-old daughter, Debbie, who had just been diagnosed with cerebral palsy.  My wife, Barbara, and I were just beginning to realize the potential impact of raising a daughter with serious disabilities.  High on the list of medical concerns was the need for a good orthopedist to advise us of the affects our daughter’s disability would have on her motor development and muscle tone.   My wife took our daughter to a highly recommended orthopedic surgeon who examined our daughter. After his examination, my wife asked with concern,  “Should we see about getting special shoes?”   The doctor had blurted out his careless reply and his words cut deeply. The thoughtlessness in his response had revealed to her the prospect of a disability no one had yet predicted for our daughter. No one had ever told us Debbie might never walk.
After recovering from the incident, we began looking for an orthopedist that could help us deal with our daughter’s physical needs but in a more compassionate manner.  We both took Debbie to a second orthopedist.  After the doctor completed examining her, we again asked about a need for special shoes. The doctor answered, “Because she won’t be bearing weight on her feet right now, you don’t have to worry about special shoes. I think you should buy the prettiest little pair of shoes that you can find.” His compassion and concern for our pain was evident, and we left the doctor’s office encouraged.
Barb and I later discussed how both doctors had said essentially the same thing, but the critical difference was in the way it was said, and the compassion and sensitivity in it’s delivery.
The Scriptures indicate that the way we say things, as well as the content of our words can have a significant impact on others.  “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing  (Proverbs 12:18).  Our words can be pleasant and bring healing to others (Proverbs 16:24). Carefully spoken, they can be a work of beauty (Proverbs 25:11).  Not only our spoken words, but also our silence can speak much compassion, rather than a rash remark. This silence of self-control and compassion is a sign of wisdom (Proverbs 10:19).
Because our sinful nature is not inclined toward compassion and interest in others, we must rely on the Spirit of God to control our mind and tongue – if our speech is to bring healing and beauty. Untamed by the Spirit, our speech can be like a spark that starts a destructive fire, or a toxic poison that destroys a life.  Rather than spreading healing and beauty, untamed conversation can bring hurt and pain (James 3:1-10). In fact, James indicated that the control of our conversation is one outward measure of our inward spirituality (James 1:26). Paul encouraged Timothy to display his faith in this sequence:  “in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Tim. 4:12, emphasis added).  Paul recognized that Timothy’s conversation was the first visible evidence of his inward spiritual condition.
Let us today commit our tongue and the conversation of our lives to bringing healing and beauty to others  – revealing to them the love of God expressed by our lives.  This will bring blessing to others, and it will bring joy to us!
     “A man finds joy in giving an apt reply-- and how good is a timely word!” (Proverbs 15:23).